How To Fail University

Many will be familiar with the hit television series, How To Get Away With Murder, starring the generational talent Viola Davis. In it, a bunch of Law students are taught by their Criminal Law lecturer and learn the most effective way to get away with a crime like murder. The premise, as I see it, is that the best way to learn Criminal Law and make it stick to your mind, is to figure out how to do what it’s not meant for, and that’s to get away with committing a crime.

Being at University, for all the other benefits one gets from the experience is about one thing only; to pass and obtain your qualification. Everything is second to that. So in the spirit of How To Get Away With Murder, here are few tips on how to make sure that you fail at University:

1- Skip lectures because you don’t need them.

It’s a commonly known fact that students with the highest success rate at University are the ones who attend lectures the most frequently. It doesn’t matter whether you’re repeating a course or its your first time doing it. Deciding to skip a lecture, is statistically proven to be a marker of a student that might fail or have a difficult time with a course. But perhaps you’re a genius, and you can get away with it and shine.

There’s an idea that students who keep quiet and simply don’t engage with the material in class come across as cool, or at least don’t expose that they aren’t “stupid.” The truth is though, students who frequently engage in lectures and tuts often do so because they prepare and ask questions about areas that represent a gap in their knowledge, or what they didn’t fully understand. Asking questions, therefore, makes one seem smarter and helps you pass. But this blog is about failing. So don’t engage. Keep quiet. Arrive unprepared. And succeed at failing.

3-Ignore Your Emails

This one is easy to do. I mean, what could possibly be so important about an email from your lecturer about a course you’re studying? Surely, they’re just spamming you?

Emails are difficult to stay on top of. But doing so, helps one stay informed about any changes that could occur last minute. But we’re trying to fail, so let’s ignore them.

4-Don’t Take Notes

If you have an eidetic memory, that is if you remember things vividly after hearing or seeing the m once, then this doesn’t matter to you. Only about 2-10% of people have this according to Scientific American, but maybe you’re one of them and that’s great. If not, well done. This is a sure way to never recall anything you worked on in a lecture. But of course, I’m not sure why you’re here if you’re trying to fail coz step 1 was skip lectures.

Note taking is not only important in helping a person to consolidate their work. It’s also invaluable in keeping you engaged during a lecture. Improving on note-taking skills could improve your grades significantly. And naturally, not doing so, will help you fail.

5-Make Academics Your Last Priority

University is a lively and challenging experience for anyone who has the opportunity to go. We know that only 2% of people who begin Grade 1 in South Africa end up with a University level education. And with this experience come a lot of distractions that look like opportunities; socialising with cool kids, being involved in student politics, joining multiple societies, and so on so forth. But as we stated in the beginning of this blog, you’re at University to get a qualification. Everything is second to that. So if you find yourself doing more of anything else than studying, then you’re well on your way to failing.

Conclusion University is a wonderful experience. And like everything in life it requires balance. Balance though, like a successful relationship between a man and woman, does not mean 50/50. You can’t ask your girlfriend to contribute 50% to the relationship and think she’ll be happy, no matter what social media tells you. Similarly, your studies require more than 50% of your attention compared to everything else. They are a priority. Unless of course, you expect to get away with murder and just do the bare minimum. In which case, you’re well on your way to failing.